


The Saiyan Witch Project

by GokuGirl



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Humor, Out of Character, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-08-09
Updated: 2000-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-05 18:03:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4189665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GokuGirl/pseuds/GokuGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yet another parody of the Blair Witch Project. Not a very good one though...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Saiyan Witch Project

**Author's Note:**

> **Note:** I've never actually seen the movie, but since this is going to be A LOT different than the original I don't think it matters much.
> 
> **Warning:** *Everyone* and I mean *everyone* is just about out of character. You have been warned so don't complain in the review, 'kay?

On July 5th, 780(?), five saiyan males went on a camping trip and disappeared.

A week later, their footage was found...

* * *

 

Trunks, Goten, Goku, Vegeta, and Gohan were all walking down a path in the woods carrying heavy backpacks full of mostly food, heading toward the campsite that Goku had picked out for their week long "bonding" escapade.

"I still can't believe I let you talk me into this!"

"Aw cheer up Vegeta! We all needed a break!" Goku said cheerfully.

"Yeah and Kaasan was started to give me daily headaches with all of her yelling," Trunks commented. "Not to mention the fact that Bra's incredibly annoying.

"I wasn't having a problem. I was perfectly fine with going to work everyday and spending time with Pan and Videl, but Tousan said we needed to bond!" Gohan complained slapping at a mosquito. "I hate nature! I've hated it since Piccolo-san left me when I was 5!"

"Quite your whining boy. You're a saiyan." Vegeta grumbled.

They continued to walk down the trail some more until Goku stopped suddenly, making Vegeta crash into him, Gohan into him, Trunks run into him, and Goten into him.

"Nani? Why'd you stop Tousan?" Goten asked curiously.

"Vegeta has to promise that he won't get angry."

"Why? Why can't I get angry Kakarott?"

"Just promise!"

"Fine. Fine."

"I think that we're lost...." Goku shuffled his feet.

Vegeta held his temper, just barely. "How can we be lost Kakarott? You've been looking at that map since we set out!" Then Vegeta noticed something. He walked around Goku and corrected it.

"What? Why are we lost?" Trunks asked.

Vegeta lost it. He yelled so loud that all of the birds, wolves, and other woodland creatures took wing or ran away.

"THIS BAKA HAS BEEN READING THE MAP UPSIDE DOWN FOR THE PAST 2 HOURS!!!"

"NANI?!" Goten, Gohan, and Trunks shouted in unison.

"Actually, I haven't been reading it. You know I can't! I've just been looking at the pretty blue lines and dark black ones."

"NANI?!" They all shouted again. This time Vegeta joined the cry. Right before he could launch himself at Goku, Gohan stepped forward and held him back.

"Now Vegeta, we can just fly above the trees and look around."

"Iie! Don't do that! I don't want you to scare the animals. Besides, it would ruin this whole trip." (and it would ruin my fanfic...) Goku said. "I can find our way! Don't worry." So the group continued on their way.

Sometime later, after it was semi-dark, Goten and Trunks threw themselves onto the ground and began to whine.

"My feet hurt! I'm hungry! I'm tired! We're still lost!"

"I need to apply some more Off because these bugs are driving me insane!" Gohan shrieked, frustrated.

Then they reached a clearing.

And it was quite a nice clearing at that. The large space was free of pine needles, dead animals, and other things and the moonlight hit it just right to make it seem like it shimmered and sparkled. Actually the place was  _*too_ * serene and  _*too*_  perfect but this group was too tired and hungry to care at the moment.

Goku plopped down right in the center and began to rummage through his backpack.

"I know I put that apple pie here somewhere..." The rest sweatdropped and started to pitch the tents.

"Oi Tousan," Goten started, "how many tents  _*did*_  you bring anyway?"

"Oh I got two. One for Vegeta, Gohan, and I and one for you two." He took a huge bite from his chunk of pie and after chewing it only two times, swallowed it.

"Kakarott, I refuse to share a tent with you and your spawn!" the short saiyan prince shouted.

"Okay Vegeta," Gohan said, "you can just sleep outside."

"That's fine with me. I'm a saiyan. I can handle this."

They all continued doing what they had started previously and soon darkness fell completely.

"I'm going to sleep," Trunks yawned.

"Okay! Just remember the nice nature hike that we're going on tomorrow!" Goku called.

"Yeah Goku-san. Goodnight to you too."

A few minutes later Goten also went to bed and then only the other three were left.

"I can't go to sleep," Gohan said grumpily, "There are too many bugs, the grounds too hard..."

"How about we tell ghost stories?" Goku asked. "I'll go first!" He cleared his throat and got into a story telling mood. "One morning, Satoshi woke up and found that he was hungry so he went downstairs to the kitchen. When he got there he found that his wife had mysteriously disappeared. Opening the fridge door he saw the most frightening thing....!"

"What? What did he see?" Gohan asked eagerly.

"All the food was gone!"

Vegeta and Gohan both groaned and sweatdropped.

"What? I thought that would be pretty scary!" Goku protested. "And it's based on a real life story! ChiChi had gone to the store to get more."

"Kakarott, it would only be scary to a person whose stomach had more empty space that the hollow inside his head!"

Goku just blinked.

"Think about. You might just understand one of these days."

"Wait! I have an actual scary story!" Gohan paused to slap off a bug best left undescribed. "Five people were camping in some woods outside of Satan City. That night three boys and two girls made their way to the campsite that would be their home for two days...."

Gohan continued to spin his tale and quite well actually. By the time he reached the end, Goku and Vegeta were practically clinging to each other in their fright.

"...and so they say whenever the moon is full and whenever the wind is high, that the Chainsaw Murder comes a calling;  _*preying*_  on innocent campers who were unlucky enough to be in his path."

Then to add effect to his story, the faint whispers of clouds that were covering the moon slid away. The wind speed picked up and then there was a loud buzzing noise.

"OH KAMI! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Goku screamed. He jumped up and took off for the tent, Vegeta close on his heels.

Gohan looked at them and burst out laughing. "Tousan, Vegeta-san! That was only a story. It wasn't true!"

Trunks and Goten stumbled outside and blinked in the moonlight. "What's going on? Goten and I heard some screams..."

Gohan took a seat on a nearby log. "It was nothing. Tousan and Vegeta just got scared from a story I told. That's all."

"That must have been some story to scare my Papa like that!" Trunks said, laughing.

The small group headed towards the large tent and unzipped it, peering inside.

"Are you two okay?" Gohan asked concerned.

"I'm fine!" Vegeta snarled. "Just get this baka to let me go!"

Goku, who had a death grip around the short ones waist, was shaking.

"Tousan," Goten said slowly, "it's okay. There isn't anyone coming to kill you..."

Then he heard it. The buzzing noise was back but it was louder this time.

"Oh shit!" Goten and Trunks both dove inside at the same time, nearly landing on top of each other. "Niichan! Don't stay out here or you're going to die!"

"Come  _*on*_!" Gohan said, frustrated with them, "there is absolutely nothing out there. I'll even go see for myself."

"NO! Don't do it!" Goten reached outside of the tent and grabbed his brother around the legs. "You'll never come back if you do!" Gohan pried his hands away and stepped out of range. Goten lay back, defeated.

"Sayonara Niichan. I'll always love you..."

"Quit it Goten! I'll be back, you'll see." Gohan walked with an even stride out toward the edge of the clearing. Goten looked at him with sad eyes and then it happened.

There was a loud yell (Gohan's), a thump, and the chainsaw buzzing noise.

"OH NO! He's dead! My brother's gone!" He grabbed Goku and began to cry.

"That was just a coincidence," Vegeta said shakily. "I'm going to go out there..."

"NO PAPA!" Trunks grabbed at him. "Despite the fact that you treat me like crap, I  _*do_ * care about you. Besides, Bra-chan and Kaasan would be sad."

"Release me boy," his father growled.

"He's right Vegeta. You shouldn't go out there. I've already lost my son, I don't want to loose a friend too." Goku hugged Goten and whispered words intended for calming him down.

Goten's wails slowly subsided and he lifted his head. Blinking he looked over his father's shoulder and gasped at the sight of a thick shadow moving against the tent.

That slight sound turned into full-blown screams when the chainsaw noise was heard again.

"The murderer! He's outside the tent!"

Trunks' eyes widened and he fumbled with the zipper to the flap.

"Hurry! I'm too young to die!" Goten scrambled over to Trunks, pushed him out of the way, and used some ki to burn a new entrance. He and the other three jumped out and took off into the woods.

***

"Where are we?" Trunks asked, panting heavily. The four of them had been running for quite some time. Each of their minds were so numbed with fear they didn't even think of flying. He ran blindly for some time until he collided dead on with a tree. It shuddered and fell in the opposite direction.

"Ow..." he sat up and rubbed at his face. "Uh guys? Guys?!" Trunks stopped and doubled over, gasping for air. He turned around and was meet with empty air. "Oh Kami! I'm alone! Where are they?" Then he cocked his head at a faint sound.

BUZZZZZZZ!

And it was getting closer.

Trunks lingered a little longer to slow his pulse and then took off again. "How come it's always the pretty people who die first?!"

***

Goku and Vegeta ran for their lives along the tree branch and pine needle strewn forest floor. They both could swear that the murderer was close behind them.

"Which way do we go?" Goku asked above the roar of the wind.

"I have no idea! But I'm not staying here and that's for sure." Vegeta kept on running even as faint thunder rumbled and a few sparse drops splattered on leaves and uncovered skin. Just as they were nearing another clearing, the clouds burst and the heavens wept.

Soaked and shivering they stumbled from the treecover. Glancing around Vegeta growled.

"We're back at the same place we started from!" Vegeta shouted.

Goku smiled weakly. "Oops?"

"Oops? OOPS?! Is all you can say?"

"Gomen Vegeta! Well, we can just take a different direction this time..."

"TOUSAN!" They both looked up at the yell. "SOMEONE HELP ME!"

Goku gasped. "That's Goten!" Without looking back he took off to go and save him. Vegeta sighed and followed.

When they got there, Goten was no where to be found. All they found was a piece of the t-shirt he had worn that night. Goku picked it up carefully, like he would fragile vase or a newborn baby and looked to Vegeta with his heart in his eyes.

"I've lost them both," he whispered brokenly.

"Listen up Kakarott, we can always wish them back! Besides, we need to get out of the cursed forest because we've already used up * _our_ * wishes. I know that your mate would be sad if you die again. She'll also spend most of her time moping over my house but that's to be expected."

He turned and walked with Goku trailing behind.

Goku's expression eased a little. "You're right. Let's get out of here.... Vegeta?" He blinked and looked about him. "Where'd you go? DID YOU DIE TOO?!" Then he sank to his knees on the ground, threw up his arms, and cried to the sky. "Why has Kami forsaken me?! WHY?!"

Faint giggles were heard from the bushes. In his dispair Goku didn't hear them until they reached a mediocre level. His accute saiyan hearing picked it up and he frowned in confusion.

"That was EXCELLENT! Especially that last part!" Bulma said, laughing.

Goku stood and scratched his head. "What are you talking about?"

"This!" Bra pointed to the video camera she was holding. "Smile! You're on Gohan's Camera!"

"Na-nani?" he stuttered.

"Yeah," Pan appeared next to her best friend. "Tousan was kind of mad that you dragged him along so he got us to help him play a trick on you guys."

"We didn't know about it," Trunks said. "they just yanked us aside from the trail were were on."

"We're sending this in to Japan's Most Funniest Home Videos!" Videl chuckled. "I'm sure we'll win that One Million Zenni grand prize."

Goku started to laugh faintly. "How did you get the noises and everything?"

"Well I had planned to tell this story tonight so I had Videl bring the CD player. It was pretty easy actually." Gohan laughed again. "You should have seen the looks on everybody's faces. * _Especially_ * Vegeta's!"

Vegeta blushed heavily but luckily it was lost to the darkness. "Well you're not sending that tape in." He snatched it from his daughter.

"Oh yes I am," Gohan snatched it back.

"OH NO YOU'RE NOT!"

"YES I AM!" And Gohan took off running with the tape. Then there was a thud and Gohan moaned. "Ow...."

Trunks laughed hysterically. "Watch out for that tree! I learned the hard way."

Everyone started laughing and walked off together into the dense forest.


End file.
